Ryan’s Rakish Not Affected by Injury Nice Looks, Calm Feeling
Joe Ryan’s excellent 2024 season took a major hit on Wednesday, when he immediately left Minnesota’s 8-2 loss to the Chicago Cubs in the third inning with what was termed “right triceps tightness.” Despite the dire initial reaction, team sources said it might not be as bad as it looked.
And while there has been no follow-up diagnosis from the team, much less a timeline for his return, team physicians are optimistic that his good looks and guy-who’s-a-good-hang vibe will be largely unaffected by the injury.
“Even if this injury were severe enough to require a season-ending surgery, his easygoing charm is still going to turn the most strong-willed person into an absolute goon,” said Dr. Yvonne Isham of Kaiser Permanente. “Those eyebrows are undefeated. My God. My God. I need to spend a minute alone, honestly.”
Ryan has proven to be an essential part of the Twins rotation in 2024, both in performance and reliability. A prolonged absence would put Minnesota’s playoff hopes in jeopardy, and further highlight their offseason stinginess and trade deadline inactivity.
“The key thing to focus on is, will he be able to post ‘goofy guy on his old bike’ photos to social media,” said Dr. Isham. “That’s the fundamental question. If he’s out until Labor Day, that’s bad news for the team, but he should be back to posting thirst traps in no time.”
With David Festa already in the rotation for the injured Chris Paddack, the team’s options appear to be Louis Varland, Randy Dobnak, and potentially Zebby Matthews. Physicians agree that they can manage to hold the line but are incapable of replacing Ryan’s smoldering je ne sais quoi.
“On the right day, any of those guys can give you 5-6 innings and let the offense do the rest,” said Dr. Adam Kovacs, chief resident at M Health Fairview’s Children’s Masonic Hospital. “But can any of them post a picture of them holding a puppy and make you want to risk it all? It’s out of the question.”
The Twins hope to get more clarification on Ryan’s injury in the next few days. They return to action with a doubleheader against the division-leading Cleveland Guardians on Friday.
